If you know me at all, you know how much I love good talks. It truly is a favorite of mine. Alliyah began to really open up to me. We found ourselves constantly talking about things. They varied from school issues to her past. But all of the topics meant something to me. It meant she was finally ready to trust me.
Beka and the kids had become my world. Don't get me wrong... I had my days of annoyance and being worn out. My head was still being filled by people with my option to just walk away. But, something had changed. I had fallen in love with the kids. I can't even begin to count the times that I would tell Beka I was so tired and felt that life didn't make sense, but I couldn't imagine my life without them. Yes, the crying was still very constant at this time.
The main question from family and friends was... "Ok, so this has been neat, but how long are you really going to do this?" I never had an answer. I wanted to look at everyone and say... "Don't you think I worry about that enough without you asking also?" That was not my answer though. It was always the answer of God's timing. I can admit now that I was also assuring myself of that along with answering them.
One day Alliyah pulled me and Beka into the bedroom. She had a question. "Nana (Beka), what happens to me and Gavin if you die?" Then quickly turns to me and said, "can we stay with you?" Thank the Lord for previous conversations that had already taken place with the adults. Weeks prior to that, Beka and I had a similar talk. I agreed that I would take the kids should something tragic happen. We talked about me being able to keep the kids in the same house, school and church. Should something happen to Beka, another change would be the last thing they needed. So, thankfully that day, we were both able to look Alliyah in the eyes and give her the answer of yes, and that was the plan. She smiled,said good, and was on her way. I know this sounds simple and an unimportant part of the story. But for our girl, it was huge. Alliyah will worry and think about something for weeks/months before talking about it. We are still working on this. We know now, that she was very stressed about what would happen to her. The worry that she carried for weeks about that question was solved quickly and her mind was put at ease.
July 2013, Beka was given permanent custody of the kids. It had been over a year since the day we brought them home. There were countless court dates, many battles and lots of hard news to tell the kids. But that day, we felt like we had finally won the race. Until our attorney said these words. "Their biological mother still has her parenting rights." Wait... What??? She could still fight for them? Would she? Is this always going to be an issue? So many questions filled our heads in those few seconds. We asked how it could all stop. Her answer was one word that changed everything... Adoption.
We had never even thought about it. With all the custody battles, emergency, temporary and permanent, adoption was never a word spoken between us. Beka decided right then that she would immediately start the paper work to begin her adoption journey of the children.
Weeks later, Beka and I were having a talk on the porch. And yet again, God had been working in both of our hearts. We both told each other we wanted to talk. And yes, without knowing, God had been laying the same thoughts and plans with us separately. Another conversation began and we slowly learned we needed to discuss the same thing with each other. This decision was a life changer. One that was completely not in my life plan at all. A decision I knew would shake up my family and friends to question me yet again. A decision that would bring me to my knees in a way I have never felt before. A decision that would change everything I thought my future held. The decision that I would adopt the kids.
