February 2013, a month to remember. I was teaching preschool. A job I had been at for 4 years. Many ups and downs, and lots of mixed feelings about it. But at that point in my life, I was more miserable there then ever before. And most of the reasons had nothing to do with the job itself. It was difficult driving to work exhausted and coming home the same way. And it was even more difficult, because I truly didn't feel connected to my "work babies" like I had in the past. My heart wasn't there. It was completely at home. On the 6th of that month, I put my 2 week notice in. And let me say, I bawled my eyes out. But in all honesty, my crying had nothing to do with leaving my job. It was the last part left in my life that was the "old Casey". And I was saying goodbye to that, and changing one more thing to make the new life work. As miserable as I was at my job, in that moment, I wanted to cling to it and make every new and scary situation in my life disappear.
My boss didn't quite agree with my decision. But I told her I wasn't being fair to anyone. My kids at home needed someone to give themselves fully. All children need attention, but at that time, my kids needed that and SO much more. And my preschool kids needed a good focused teacher, and I could no longer be that for them. It wasn't fair to my kids in any spectrum of my life.
3 days later.... I was folding laundry on a Friday night, when Beka called. I assumed she was telling me that she was headed home. Nope, she was on the way to the hospital. She had broken her foot. We knew it wasn't good. In her line of work, she stands for many hours everyday. There was no way this was going to work out. To speed up this praticular storyline, she had to stay out of work for the next 5 months. We never dreamed on that night at the hospital, that was going to be the road ahead of us.
So, within 72 hours, we were both out of a job. Friends, this destroyed me. An infamous day that I am not proud of... I couldn't...no, wouldn't get out of bed. I cried and then cried some more. How were we going to work this out, and how were we going to raise these 2 kids?
You know how you have a few of "those people" in your life, that don't have to hold back when telling you something? Well, Beka is that for me. She came in the bedroom and told me to get up. Not that I should, or it would be better for me, but just to do it. It was exactly what I needed in that moment. She held me and let me cry and vent and be angry. And then she simply reminded me that I had to trust Him. No big speech or fancy words, but the simple amazing truth.
God answered many prayers for me that month, and I honestly didn't even notice them at the time. I now had the stress of my job lifted from my shoulders. Beka was working a lot less(or in this case not at all). We were able to tackle parenting our kids 100% of the time together as a team, and the kids blossomed from that. They got back in counseling, and slowly the issues became a little less. We were able to take the time and focus completely on our household and what God needed us to do. And finally, a year later, we started becoming a family. And in all this, slowly but surely, an outside support system of family and friends was beginning to build.
I feel so silly when I look back at that time now. I prayed for specific things, and when God answered in His ways... I lost it. That month went from being what felt like hell on earth, to now being the biggest blessing. What a reminder to trust Him, even when His ways are not our own.
The story continues and has lots of craziness in it. Good and bad. But this is the beginning. I wish I had kept a log of the amount of people who have said one common thing: "I hope the blog answers the questions I have". So here is my idea. My next post will be a FAQ one. And then I will continue our story. So, feel free to message me on Facebook or email casey.deel@yahoo.com with any question. I will not include your name in the blog. And please, if you know me at all, you know there is no crazy question, and I am happy to answer anything. This should be interesting! :-). Thank you all for the amazing support in sharing our life. It has blown me away
